Perry Mason 135: TCOT Curious Bride

Note: Fifth Mason book, 1934. Early Mason plants fake evidence just to mess with the D.A. - a stunt he’d never pull later. Gardner also trots out multiple characters to recap the facts, giving magazine serial readers the “just-the-facts-ma’am” tour straight to the culprit, if they are paying attention over weeks.

The Case of the Curious Bride – Erle Stanley Gardner

A woman walks in the office, says she’s not a bride, but her manner says otherwise. Perry smells a rat. Della Street - secretary, oracle - knows the score: lady’s married, lady’s lying. After trying out some half-truths about a friend's problem, she flees the interview. Mason is philosophical if contrite:

What right have I got to sit back with that ‘holier than thou’ attitude and expect them to come clean with a total stranger? They come here when they’re in trouble. They’re worried and frightened. They come to me for consultations. I’m a total stranger to them. They need help. Poor fools, you can’t blame them for resorting to subterfuges. I could have been sympathetic and drawn her out, won her confidence, found out her secret and lightened the load of her troubles. But I got impatient with her. I tried to force the issue, and now she’s gone.

The setup: husband presumed dead in a plane crash pops up alive. The “friend” story collapses under its own weight. Then the dominoes fall - murder charge, cops snarling, DA readying the rope. All the evidence points one way: guilty.

Perry’s job? Cheat the hangman. He does it with tricks, fake evidence, and legwork he mostly undertakes himself.

Tone? Hard as nails. Depression-era funk seeps through the cracks. Millionaire in the mix, ethics of an alley cat. Public hated fat cats in 1934, and Gardner milks it. Near the end Mason mutters that the victim “needed killing.” Whoa. Highly unusual for Gardner’s moral compass to spin like a busted fan. Not like him. Sure, the dead guy was a con man, fleeced lonely women, but still - lawyer shrugging off murder? Mason never colder.

Plot mechanics: intricate as a Rube Goldberg mousetrap. Gardner cheats? Nope. He plays fair - repeats the facts like a broken jukebox so you can’t whine later. Why the repetition? Serialization in Liberty Magazine. New readers parachuting in every week. Gardner, ever a professional, says “Readers first” and spoon-feeds them, not following Wilkie Collins's dictum; "Make 'em laugh, make 'em cry, make 'em wait."

Trial scene? Short. Early Mason books didn’t always climax in court. This one’s more about the chase, the feints, the sucker punches. And the atmosphere - antique, pre-war, no sex despite the wink in the title..

Did I guess the killer? Nope. Gardner blindsided me. That’s the fun. You think you’re smart, then wham - you’re not.

Brass tacks: TCOT Curious Bride is a good read, not great. It’s got grit, speed, and a whiff of moral rot, courtesy of the Dirty Thirties. If you want Perry pure and prime, maybe try later stuff. But if you dig the smell of old money and older lies, this early one will do.

Perry Mason 134: Some Women Won’t Wait

Note: In this 1953 outing, Gardner chooses Hawaii as the setting, emphasizing leis, hula, and surfing at Waikiki. Highly unusual because he wasn’t a product placement kind of writer, he even mentions by name three hotels that offer nice lodgings. In those palmy post-WWII days, I imagine the stressful memories of the war were fading and people were thinking of getting away from it all. Later in the Fifties, the massive boom of the jet age and statehood (1959) changed everything.

Some Women Won’t Wait – Erle Stanley Gardner writing as A. A. Fair

Erle Stanley Gardner, best known for Perry Mason’s courtroom theatrics, moonlighted with a different sort of duo: Bertha Cool and Donald Lam. If Mason is all gravitas and method, Cool and Lam are screwy – a partnership of private detectives who somehow always make the situation worse but come out of it smelling like roses. Bertha, a woman of formidable girth and even more formidable greed, is obsessed with getting fat fees. Donald, her pint-sized partner, compensates for his lack of muscle with a surplus of quick-wittedness and a knack for wriggling out of trouble.

This particular caper begins aboard a Pacific cruise ship and drifts into Honolulu’s sun-drenched temptations. The setup? A young, fun-loving playgirl marries a man old enough to be her grandfather. Six months later, he’s dead. She’s not in a widow's black - she’s sunning on a beach in something far more revealing. Was it impatience? Opportunism? Or something nastier? Did her husband really ask her to buy that arsenic? What happened? Why is she alone? And how much trouble is she in?

As usual, Bertha blunders about like five puppies duking it out over three toys, while Donald plays the cerebral sleuth - though here he indulges in spy guy surveillance among the lazy palm trees. The plot is brisk, the dialogue snappy, and the atmosphere pure mid-century vakay with sandy beaches, tropical flowers and balmy temps. With all the “delectable babes” in skimpy swimsuits on Waikiki, it is more male-gazey than usual, and there is a surprising reference to Oriental inscrutability that I would have thought Gardner was above.

Gardner keeps the emotional thermostat at zero - motives revolve around money and its attendant security, not passion. No torrid love affairs, just inheritance schemes and extortion. Gardner has Lam narrate the story, but Lam is no more forthcoming with us readers than he is with the other characters. The real shocker? For once, Donald’s freedom isn’t menaced by cops that want his hide tacked to the wall. Though not much action is on tap, the ride is fun, the setting lush, and Bertha’s swimsuit and traditional Hawaiian garb moments alone are pretty funny. If you like your mysteries brisk, brainy, and just a little absurd, this Waikiki holiday delivers.

Perry Mason 133: Horizons West

Note: In addition to film noir, Raymore Burr appeared in several Westerns before Perry Mason. Some notable Westerns he acted in include Station West (1948). He also appeared in Count Three and Pray as a villainous storekeeper that ran the town, like Flem Snopes in The Hamlet. He auditioned for the lead role of U.S. Marshal Matt Dillon for the Gunsmoke television series in 1955. However, CBS producers felt he was not the right "John Wayne type" they were seeking and passed on him, a role that ultimately went to James Arness.

Horizons West
1952 / 1:21
Tagline: “LAWLESS RUTHLESS DEFIANCE!”
[internet archive]

Two Confederate brothers return to Austin after the war, hoping the family ranch can soothe old wounds. Robert Ryan, all restless energy, chafes at peace; Rock Hudson, sunny and idealistic, sees silver linings. Their father expects Ryan to stay home out of love of ranching but it is impossible for him, bored by peace, to return to the old life in the sticks.

A natural leader, Ryan is drawn to Austin to make money and garner power. Is Ryan driven by bitterness over defeat - or by the rot of a cause built on slavery? Either way, he scorns simple pleasures: good food, honest work, neighborly respect. When asked if he could work with Northerners, Ryan replies, “I could forget grudges for enough money.”

Raymond Burr oozes menace as Cort Hardin. From his first scene, movie-goers know that he’s going to be excellent as a bad dandy, northern and cold-hearted, rich and spoiled. While Ryan seems to portray the type of normal guy who’s wrestling with PTSD or unresolved bitterness over defeat, Burr doesn’t have the default settings of a man of flesh and blood, since even when he is gambling, he is unsmiling and brusque. His brutality peaks in a belt-buckle thrashing and predatory embraces that leave Julie Adams wiping her lips in disgust. Jealous, insecure and alert, he notices right away that his unhappy wife is attracted to Ryan.

Ryan borrows $1,000 to take Burr in poker, loses big, and sinks into debt. To claw back, he recruits war’s leftovers for a cattle-rustling scheme, selling stolen stock to a Mexican general decked out like a parade float. Taking exception to being robbed, Burr tortures Rock Hudson to gather information on the rustling.

Per the traditional noir trope, Ryan loses his soul in short order. Momentum drags Ryan from rustling to bribery, arson, and street murder. Pity and mercy shrivel; ambition hardens, observes crony Jim Arness. In an explanation so terse as to be frustrating, Ryan admits that he yokes cruelty and ambition, with his only goals in life to build an empire and make Julie Adams the great lady of Texas.

The magnificent Technicolor is the reason to see this movie. Outside is stunning, interiors are lush. The clothes have a wide variety of colors. But the human beings Ryan, Burr and Adams are all strong in their parts. A notorious tough guy, Robert Ryan looks at Raymond Burr with so much contempt that Burr’s character seems to wilt and get even doughier. Julie Adams’s solid performance balances the fact that her motivation for falling for Ryan like a ton of bricks is not made clear at all though we movie-goers know that Hollywood seldom explains love at first sight, especially in westerns. Not given much to do except scold and hector Ryan, Rock Hudson looks rather like a lightweight in this movie as if he were a pop idol cast in a movie to attract the youth audience.  

As for the connection with the classic Perry Mason TV series, Julie Adams was the strung-out wife in TCOT Lover's Leap (great is her turn on the stand, blitzed on what in my youth we called Christmas Trees). She played the kindly if intense mom in TCOT Missing Button. She was convicted in error in TCOT Deadly Verdict (a most Hitchcockian outing) and was the patsy again in TCOT Fatal Fortune.

Perry Mason 132: TCOT Gilded Lily

Note: When there’s a butler, as there is in this 1946 outing, mystery fans know the drill: he’s guilty until proven innocent. Did he do it? And what about that phone call? Did he listen in to protect his employer, or was he simply hoping for gossip spicier than the hot and sour soup? In Perry Mason’s Los Angeles, even the butler’s alibi comes with a side of suspicion. After all, if you’re paid to open doors, why not open a few cans of trouble while you’re at it?

The Case of the Gilded Lily – Erle Stanley Gardner

Stewart Bedford had it all: money, power, and a wife young enough to make his friends whisper and his enemies grind their teeth. Twelve years a widower, he’d married Lily, a woman who turned heads and made him feel alive again. Life was good - until the letter came. Twenty thousand dollars in cash, or Lily’s past would be splashed across every scandal sheet in the country. Insurance fraud. Jail. The kind of dirt that could ruin reputations and wreck marriages.

Bedford didn’t hesitate. He played the game. A blonde with legs that could stop traffic drove him to a roadside motel, promising a quick payoff. But the drink she handed him was laced with something stronger than bourbon. When he woke, the blonde was gone - and the blackmailer was dead in the next room. Shot. With what looked like Bedford’s own gun.

That’s when Perry Mason enters the picture. The man who makes the law slip like a yoga teacher’s backbone. Mason takes the case, but this time he’s skating so close to the edge that even Della Street, loyal and levelheaded, wonders if her boss has finally gone too far. Evidence gets shuffled like a deck of cards. Fingerprints, not ballistics, hold the key - and Mason’s trick is so audacious it makes you wonder if Gardner and his dictation-takers busted a gut laughing.

The set-up is pure Gardner, but with a twist. No damsel in distress rushing into Mason’s office. Instead, a slow burn: a wealthy executive, a trophy wife, and a blackmailer who ends up with a bullet instead of a payday. Mason doesn’t pound the pavement this time; he leaves the legwork to Paul Drake and his gumshoes while he plots a legal gambit that feels more like a con. Hamilton Burger, the eternal optimist, thinks he’s finally got Mason cornered. He doesn’t. He never does.

This isn’t the Mason of the early years, racing through interviews and springing surprises every chapter. It’s a later-career story, darker, riskier, with a hero who knows the system and isn’t afraid to squeeze it until its eyes pop. Gardner respects his readers enough to make them sweat through the details - and when Mason finally lays down his cards, the payoff is pure gold.

TCOT Gilded Lily isn’t just a mystery. It’s a cocktail of sex, money, and murder served ice-cold. It reminds you that in the world of power, as the Chinese used to say, “It’s cold in a high place.”

The Ides of William Talman: The Hitch-Hiker

Note: Like Raymond Burr, William Talman was a Prince of Film Noir. He had big ears, a high forehead, asymmetrical eyes, a stern mouth, and a lop-sided face that somehow looked forceful instead of merely funny-looking. He was also six foot tall and athletic. His performance in The Hitch-Hiker so impressed producer Gail Patrick Jackon that she offered him the part of district attorney Hamilton Burger on the classic TV series Perry Mason.

The Hitch-Hiker
1956 / 1:11
Tagline: “When was the last time you invited death into your car?”
[internet archive]

William Talman gives us Emmett Myers, an escaped convict so tightly wound he makes piano wire look like a mess of ramen. He’s the sort of school-leaver who thinks “Mexican” is a language. His self-image? Smart and tough. Reality check? Pig-ignorant along with law-breaking, deceitfulness, impulsivity, irritability, recklessness, irresponsibility, and lack of remorse.

Myers is a walking case study in low frustration tolerance. He can’t wait for change from a big bill  - because patience is for suckers - and every impulse he indulges is a bad idea wearing a sign “I’m a Bad Bad Boy.” He’s allergic to foresight. If Myers had a theory of mind, it’s lost in the same place as his right eye. That blindness isn’t just physical; it’s a metaphor so loud it practically rents a billboard: empathy? Never heard of her.

He mocks prayer, sneers at decency, and congratulates himself for being “free,” which in his dictionary means “armed and stupid.” He blames his ugly mug for society’s cold shoulder, as if sentencing guidelines were written by Vogue. His sarcasm drips like a leaky faucet, and when he laughs, it sounds like phlegm.

Meanwhile, the two hostages - combat vets, stoic as granite - know the score: they’re already dead, so they play the their role of compliant hostages until the indifferent if not hostile universe coughs up a miracle. Myers, too cocksure to notice, is driving straight into the arms of inevitability. The man couldn’t outwit a traffic cone.

Ida Lupino directs with the kind of stark realism that makes you want to check your pulse. Claustrophobic interiors, barren exteriors - she turns geography into psychology. Talman nails the role, Edmond O’Brien and Frank Lovejoy keep it lean, and the whole thing hums with tension.

Highly recommended.

Perry Mason 131: Casting Cool & Lam

Note: In the noir-lite mysteries penned by Erle Stanley Gardner under the pseudonym A.A. Fair, the detective duo of Bertha Cool and Donald Lam is a study in delightful contradiction. Gardner, ever the courtroom trickster, flips the genre’s tropes. Bertha Cool is brash, overweight, and unapologetically vulgar - a bulldozer in dripping in diamonds. Donald Lam, her partner, is the anti-Mike Hammer: diminutive, cerebral, and empathetic. Casting these two from the golden age of Hollywood is no easy feat, but let’s give it the old studio try.

Donald Lam: The Underdog with a Law Degree

Lam is no trench-coated bruiser. He’s the little guy who wins the fight by knowing the law better than the authorities and the crooks. He’s clever, slippery, and always underestimated. So who could play him without turning him into a just a lucky wise-ass?

·         James Cagney: He’s got the size and the speed, and he could talk circles around a DA. But Cagney’s default setting is “ready to punch,” and Lam wins with brains, not fists. Verdict: Too much peppy pugnacity, not enough heft in the brains department.

·         Dick Powell: Post-songbird Powell gave us a credible Marlowe, and he’s got the sardonic deadpan down cold. But Lam’s intellect is scalpel-sharp, and his well-concealed emotions warm. Verdict: Close, but not quite cutting it.

·         William Powell: Too old? Nick Charles had Lam’s charm and smarts, but he also had a cocktail in hand and Nora on his arm. Lam’s world is grittier, less tuxedoed. Verdict: Too debonair, too charming.

·         Dana Andrews: Andrews brings the brooding intensity, but Lam isn’t haunted - he’s harried by clients and cops, bad guys and Bertha. He’s a man dodging punches and talks with the DA, not ghosts. Verdict: Too tragic, not enough hustle.

·         Alan Ladd: Physically perfect, and his performance in This Gun for Hire proves he can play underestimated. But Lam needs to talk fast and think faster. Ladd’s controlled insecurity might come off as self-doubt. Verdict: Right size, wrong temperature.

·         I admit I'm stuck - Gig Young? Jack Lemmon? Martin Milner?

Bertha Cool: The Bulldozer in Diamonds

Bertha Cool is a casting challenge Hollywood often fumbles on the one-yard line. She’s loud and large. She’s not comic relief; she may or may not have a heart buried somewhere under layers of sarcasm and cigarette smoke.

·         Marie Dressler: Dressler had the heft and the humor, but Bertha’s bite is sharper than Dressler’s maternal warmth. Verdict: Too cuddly for Cool.

·         Thelma Ritter: Ritter’s wisecracks are legendary, and she could sell Bertha’s street smarts. But Bertha needs to fill a room physically and vocally. Verdict: Too compact for the role.

·         Marjorie Main: Main could bulldoze with the best of them, and her Ma Kettle had the grit. But Bertha’s urban jungle isn’t Main’s backwoods. Verdict: A maybe.

·         Margaret Rutherford: Rutherford’s Miss Marple had the eccentricity, but Bertha’s not quaint - she’s caustic. Verdict: Too British, too genteel.

·         Lucille Ball: Ball had the brass and the timing, but Bertha’s vulgarity isn’t sitcom-ready. Could Lucy go full-on ferocious? Verdict: Tempting, but risky.

Perry Mason 130: Shame They Got Kilt

Note. On the classic TV series the Mason murder victim is usually a scamp doing crimes like blackmail, so detestable that we figure they needed killing, like they say in Texas. And we hope the killer gets the sentence meted out to cops and judges gone wrong.

Shame They Got Kilt

Killed in Error. Poor Flavia is mistakenly poisoned in place of her husband and his lover in The Case of the Madcap Modiste. One of the few on-screen killings in the show, the poisoning scene is uniquely gruesome, complete with death rattle. In The Case of the Sleepwalker's Niece, too accommodating for his own good, Uncle Phillip trades bedrooms with a dastard. And thinking it’s the dastard, the cold-blooded killer knifes Uncle Phillip in his sleep. That’ll learn would-be perps, as Mickey Rourke said in Body Heat (1981), “Any time you try a decent crime, you got fifty ways you're gonna fuck up. If you think of twenty-five of them, then you’re a genius - and you ain’t no genius.”

Harmless Geezer Buys the Farm. In The Case of the Sun Bather’s Diary, a nice guy who likes a little potation, George Ballard is uncle to the red-headed beauty of the title. He is murdered with a knife to the back for no motive that I can discern unless maybe it was robbery or to keep him silent or both. When his dog Sandy guards and whimpers over Uncle George’s corpse, it’s pitiful. Just as pitiful is the killing of another Uncle George in The Case of the Shoplifter's Shoe. He likes a drink so much that before he goes on a toot he mails his car keys to himself. He was killed to keep him silent and his niece goes all to pieces. Nobody was as adept at sobbing on cue as Margaret O’Brien. She used to ask directors “When I cry, do you want the tears to run all the way or shall I stop halfway down?”

Paragon Meets Unjust Deserts. In The Case of the Sulky Girl, sadly, virtue turns out to be less than its own reward. Not that I’m blaming the victim, mind, but a factor in the motive was Uncle Edward being an uncompromising model of rectitude. Perhaps if Uncle had been less ready to call the cops when he thought a crime was going down, the killer would not have bashed in his skull with a walking stick.

Commendable Motives of a Boss from Hell. A multi-million-dollar space project is six weeks behind schedule in The Case of the Angry Astronaut. James Coburn’s General Addison Brand is brought in to get things on track. Speaking in a hectoring voice, he screws up his belligerent face into a visage of dynamism and purpose.  If fulfilling his duty involves kicking ass and blasting complacencies, that’s the way it is going to be. Ironically, he is not murdered for doing his duty in an obsessed fashion. We feel the federal government will miss such a hard-charging can-do manager.

The Worst Case. In The Case of the Nine Dolls, a tyrannical oil baron repudiates a seven-year-old grand-daughter until he meets her. He then sees with his own eyes that she is the exact duplicate of her mother at that age. Naturally the joyful reunion calls for a change in the millionaire’s will in favor of the newly found member of the family. This amendment is not something certain interested parties will tolerate. They kill the old man out of sheer greed and cowardice. They are quite OK with the old man’s niece going the gas chamber in their place. That the heart-warming reunion provokes such a terrible crime is ironic and tragic, making this episode especially melancholy. But as disturbing is another scene: in Perry’s hotel room a mangled doll is left by a note saying, “This can happen to little girls too.” It’s one hell of an episode, certainly in my Top 3 Favorites.

Clearly, being an uncle is a risk factor in Perry Mason mysteries.