The Ides of Perry Mason 31

Note: A shorter review of this mystery was published for a more general audience right here. The review below is for the hard-core readers, readers that need a tutorial on topics of 1959,  and ESL students.

The Case of the Mythical Monkeys - Erle Stanley Gardner

A professional all the way down to the ground, Gardner was conscious of keeping his long-time readers engaged with a blend of familiar characters and new twists and digressions. In this 1959 outing, the love interest between plucky heroine Gladys and mysterious but unwolfish John has some sexy talk more typical in a Cool and Lam novel than a prim Mason novel.

Also untypically, the climax does not occur in the courtroom but in the judge’s chambers. The judge – who has the Gardnerian impressive name of Arvis Bagby -- has many more lines than usual and this a bigger chance to express a little personality.

Really strangely, DA Hamilton Burger does not want to play the part of a poodle lap dog to another government entity, so much so that the judge has to admonish the DA to be more cooperative, as a representative of the highest ideals of justice. But driven by memories of past bitter experience, Burger still doesn’t want to because of his animus toward Mason.

Hamilton Burger, his lips clamped in a tight line of anger, jerked his head at Perry Mason and said, “Not when you’re dealing with Mason – we’re not even dealing. He’s handing us out the cards he wants us to have, some of them from the top of the deck, some of them from the middle of the deck, some of them from the bottom of the deck, and some of them he’s keeping up his sleeve.”

Later, Mason demonstrates more confidence in Lt. Tragg’s ability as a detective than the DA does. Burger worries about a bad effect on public relations due to newspaper criticism, and tells the judge he doesn’t have the right to proceed, for which the judge lambastes him. Hey, some people read fantasy with orks, I read fantasy about the criminal justice system.

Finally, in a curious digression Gardner expresses a theory of factors that makes best-sellers fly off the shelf, at least in the late 1950s. The writer in this novel, Miss Mauvis Niles Meade, has carefully cultivated a bad girl image to become one of the hottest three-named writers on the scene. Her lurid best-selling novel Chop the Man Down was fueled by her cynical sizing up of the literary market and the public taste. She confesses to Mason:

….I’m under no illusions as to the literary quality of my book. You know, people are essentially hypocrites. They love to lecture about morality but they love to read about immorality.

                An attractive young woman can write the story about a heroine whose clothes keep coming off and describe the resultant consequences in detail.  People are shocked. But people love to be shocked

If you’ll notice the bestsellers and analyze them carefully you’ll find that most of the sex books written by attractive women whose photographs look very seductive on the dust jackets are the stories that sell in big figures.

Women readers love to read about sex from the standpoint of a woman. Men like to look at the dish pictured on the cover and wonder just how it happened that she learned learn all those details about the things which are described in the book and which nice girls aren’t supposed to know. It makes for speculation -- and sales.

Gardner is clearly talking about the influence of the 1956 novel Peyton Place by Grace Metalious. It was not only a best-seller – selling 30 million copies, it was a cultural phenomenon. I wonder if Peyton Place would be a good choice to read for a reading challenge. Here’re the opening lines:

Indian summer is like a woman. Ripe, hotly passionate, but fickle, she comes and goes as she pleases so that one is never sure whether she will come at all, nor for how long she will stay.

I'm now going to take myself somewhere quiet and isolated. And suffer a cerebrovascular insult.

Glossary: The pandemic killed dead my part-time job of teaching ESL so my teacherly inclinations and ways have to come out somehow. Following is a glossary of terms used in this novel for people under 50 and non-native speakers of English. Both groups lack knowledge of 1959 and its idioms and its cultural touchstones and assumptions. Glossing was for my own amusement but done in the larger hope that old-school mysteries won’t become inaccessible simply because their vocabulary becomes quaint, opaque, embarrassing or obsolete.

·         Something of a wolf: Other retro words for men who mask bad sexual intentions and behaviors towards women with smooth politeness are Casanova, Don Juan, lecher, lothario, lounge lizard, masher, philanderer, and womanizer. Youth says wolf but also uses player or cheater.

·         Road patrol was strict that chains were required: Snow chains, or tire chains, are devices fitted to the tires of vehicles to provide maximum traction when driving through snow and ice.

·         The night was as dark as velvet: Velvet is a type of woven tufted fabric in which the cut threads are evenly distributed, with a short dense pile, giving it a unique soft feel

·         log cabin: a small house made of logs, usually in a rural area or wilderness

·         I can’t stay here tonight: In 1959, single women did not spend the night in log cabins with men. Note she warns him if he makes any unwelcome advances, he’ll get the surprise of his life.

·         It’s a free country. We sometimes say this to people who tell us they are going to do something that we think is inappropriate or crazy. We also say this to people who tell us we can’t do something.

·         It would be just like him. It would be typical of him. Nowadays the hip say, “That’s so you.”

·         Sleepy head: An informal word for someone, usually a child, who looks tired and ready to sleep

·         Working girl: An old-fashioned expression for a young girl who has a job. Because it may also mean “prostitute,” it’s not too safe to use in conversation nowadays.

·         I really wanted him to make a pass. To do or say something that clearly shows one wants to begin a romantic or sexual relationship with someone. In Perry Mason novels, it’s highly unusual for goody-goody heroines to be talking like this.

·         Draw my right forefinger across my throat when you say cooperation. This gesture means that the person is angry or that you should stop what you are doing immediately

·         Gladys, Mauvis, Dorothy. Gladys was a popular name in the early 20^th century. Dorothy was popular in the 1920s. Mauvis is a highly unusual name that was never popular, but sounds very glamorous and stylish.

·         Dartley B. Irwin, Judge Arvis Bagby, Wendell Parnell Jarvis. All of these names for men are impressive and ornate. Gardner liked to name his male professionals these pompous names. Dukes Lawton is a good name for a boxer because dukes is boxing slang for hands.

·         Swell. An old-fashioned slang word for cool.

·         The fat’s in the fire. This idiom is said when something has been said or done that will cause a lot of trouble. Though it dates from the 16^th century it is still used nowadays.

·         Sex, sophistication, mystery and melodrama. Gardner goes meta. He injects these in this novel while making genial fun of writers who inject these elements into would-be best-sellers.

·         Make up out of whole cloth: Lie, tell falsehoods.

·         Big shot: an important, successful, influential person

·         Mouthpiece: spokesperson, representative. Still used, but I think it sounds harsh.

·         It’s the story of a woman who got around. Get around means have sex with many different partners

·         Razzle-dazzle: excitement, attention

·         Dough: money

·         A man who makes a million doesn’t want to turn around and give $900,000 to the government. Though this sounds unbelievable today, in 1959, in the United States, the tax rate on such a sum would be in fact 90%.

·         Patsy: a victim of a scam or an innocent person made to seem guilty of a crime.

·         I’ll have to think that over: Polite way to say No.

·         Lounging pajamas: These must be seen to be believed

·         Cover ground: discuss a certain number of topics

·         Easy on the eye: good-looking, attractive

·         Deadly (traffic): boring, deadly dull.

·         My crystal ball is no bigger than yours. Fortunetellers use crystal balls to tell the future. The speaker means that she can’t predict the future any more accurately than anybody else.

·         Spicy (story, romance, talk): Slightly scandalous, risqué, racy, blue

·         Apple pie order: a very organized and tidy state. This is New England expression – housewives there had a great reputation for order and neatness.

·         The devil! Expression of confusion, surprise, anger

·         Get hung up in (traffic, red tape, endless discussion): be slowed down by something

·         Get the corpse tagged: Tag means identify in this case.

·         Give a once over: To review, inspect, or examine something in a quick or cursory fashion.

·         A cord of wood: One cord is generally equivalent to a stack 4 × 4 × 8 feet (128 cubic feet/3.6 cubic meters)

·         So far so good. (Everything is) satisfactory or developing as planned up to the current point or moment in time. This is an often used expression

·         We don’t have a social life, to speak of. To speak of means worth mentioning, or having any practical significance.

·         He’s a live wire. An energetic person.

·         Draw a blank. To be unable to find something.

·         If he’s 32, he’s done military duty somewhere. If he is 32 in 1959, he was born in 1927, which would make him a little young for WWII when the draft swept up thousands more young men than usual. So I wonder if Paul Drake is a better detective than mathematician.

·         Love nest: A place where two people meet secretly to have a romantic affair.

·         “Tonight knowing that I’m eating on an expense account, I’m going to give my stomach the surprise of its life. I’m going to have a jumbo shrimp cocktail, consommé, a salad with anchovies across the top, a New York cut, medium rare, Lyonnaise potatoes, the best red wine they have in the house, a side dish of creamed onions and some hot apple pie alamode.” Paul Drake’s dream meal features no bread but plenty of onions.

·         Shucks: A mild exclamation of anger, annoyance, regret, or disgust. Often preceded by the interjections "ah" or "aw."

·         Hang it! Another mild exclamation of anger, annoyance

·         In the worst way: very much. “I want a new car in the worst way.” This is still often used today.

·         Cheesecake picture: images of attractive women wearing little or no clothing.

·         Buy on a hand to mouth basis: The purchase by a business in the smallest feasible quantities for immediate requirements. Nowadays we say “just in time.”

·         This is all news to me. This is something I did not know.

·         Have an understanding with: have an agreement with, make a compromise with

·         A whale of: a lot of

·         Carbon paper: thin paper coated with carbon or another pigmented substance, used for making copies of written or typed documents. Nobody that was an office worker back in the day misses the carbon getting on their hands, clothes, face, lap.

·         I won’t touch it with a ten-foot pole. I do not want to become in any way involved in or with something or someone. A deeply American expression.

·         Make headway: make progress

·         Be a vamp: be a woman who uses her looks and charm to seduce and exploit men. This is a very old-fashioned word.

·         Monkey with: adjust in an ignorant way (monkey with computer settings); waste time with (quit monkeying with the cat and wash the dishes!)

·         Know all the angles: To know every way or opportunity one can use in order to reach one's goal.

·         Daring (book): new and original in a brave way

·         Jumpy: nervous, jittery

·         Cauliflower ear: An ear permanently swollen and deformed by repeated blows.

·         Sounding board: A person or group whose reactions to an idea, opinion, or point of view serve as a measure of its effectiveness or acceptability.

·         Get a line on: To have or obtain helpful information about somebody or something

·         Sob sister: A writer or journalist – often female - who focuses on or specializes in overly emotional, dramatic, or sentimental articles. This American expression from the 1920s is not used much anymore, since nearly nobody reads newspapers.

·         Hit paydirt: to discover something especially after long hours of research

·         Sit tight: To wait patiently without taking any immediate action.

·         Play dumb: To act ignorant or uninformed (about something). At work people often play dumb to get help

·         Be as snug as a bug in a rug: To be warm and cozy, typically while wrapped in blankets.

·         Hang crepe: Be pessimistic about an outcome. Nobody uses this expression anymore, because the custom has died out. Crepe is a lightweight fabric.  A century or so ago, people used to hang black crepe above their front door as a sign of mourning when a family member died.  The custom has almost completely died out in the United States, but fire houses hang black crepe above the doors when a company member dies.

·         Rental $100  a month (in 1960 dollars):  This is about $900 in 2021 money, not a small amount of dough in 1960 or 2021.

·         My word is good. I am trustworthy, reliable. 

·         Throwing money to the birds. Wasting money

·         Personalities: An offensive or disapproving personal remark. Still used in formal settings like meetings, this idiom is almost always used in the negative or a negative sense: Let’s refrain from personalities. Let’s not engage in personalities.

·         Car hop: A server – usually female – in a drive-in restaurant.

·         Lush: A person who is habitually drunk, a heavy drinker

·         Decorate the mahogany:  When someone buys a round a pub or bar, they decorate the mahogany; putting cash on the bar. I doubt if anybody uses this expression anymore, though, heaven knows, never say never.

·         Roll with the punch: adapt yourself to unfortunate circumstances

·         Clutch at straws: To make a desperate attempt to repair a bad situation.

·         “The judge’s eyes twinkled.” “His face a perfectly expressionless mask.” “His eyes narrowing.” These expressions of Gardner are his favorites and can be found in almost all of his books

·         Smith Corona: This company made typewriters and their supplies from 1886 to 2013. Now they make thermal labels for barcodes. It is very unusual for Gardner to mention brand names, even of cars. Perhaps it was against the rules of magazines who first printed the novels as serials.

·         What’s your line? Old-fashioned expression for What do you do?

·         Bring out your big guns: Use your most talented players or employees

·         Tip your hand. To reveal one's intentions, plans, secrets, or resources. This is from the card game poker if you let someone else see the cards you’re currently holding (one's "hand").

·         I’m in his hands. Under his control or influence.

·         Tax dodging. Illegal methods to avoid paying taxes

·         Stake out: Watch a location to identify who comes and goes

·         Juggle funds: Handle and move money to and from various accounts for dishonest reasons

·         Put a shadow on somebody: Covertly follow somebody wherever they go

·         On the high road: In the easiest possible way

·         Force one’s hand: Make someone do something

·         Know the lay of the land. Be familiar with where things (roads, trees, landmarks, etc.) are located in a place

·         Percolator: a device for making coffee, consisting of a pot in which boiling water is circulated through a small chamber that holds the ground beans. If you want to start a fight, start an argument between people whose use a percolator and people who use a cone.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjaXBqJA-bs